Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
