Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
