real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
