I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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