he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
