he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
