This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
