when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
