My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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