vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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