so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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