i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
