I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
