Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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