It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
