I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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