The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
