Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
