my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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