is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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