good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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