i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
