I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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