i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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