I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
