Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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