oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
