And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would fuck him just for his dog
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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