apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
