Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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