my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
