just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
