there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
