dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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