The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no you cant smoke seaweed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
