Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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