I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
