my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
