I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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