You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
