how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
