dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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