Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
