His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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