just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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