"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
