i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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