Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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