trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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