ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
