Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
