Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
