the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
