So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
