your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
