Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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