Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
