Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
